Blame and criticism are among the most damaging relationship problems that couples experience. Knowing how to handle it is one of the most important social skills that we can possess as we learn how to effectively cope with the negative attitudes and barbed comments of others.
We have to deal with all sorts of people, and there are many - including boyfriends and husbands - who've not yet learned that we respond better to charm and appreciation than to put downs and attempts to make us feel guilty.
Because of this, it is important that any relationship advice which aims to help should include techniques for dealing with these attacks quickly and effectively without allowing the situation to get out of hand.
Verbal strategies for coping with criticism and blame normally show how to deflect unwanted comments without causing further antagonism. With practice, it's possible to become very adept at side-stepping hurtful comments from others and re-directing the conversation in the direction that you prefer.
A related skill is in learning what NOT to do. When we feel under attack, it is natural to become defensive. This can easily create a pattern of attack and retaliation, as can be seen even at international level when one country attacks another, which responds in kind, inducing further attacks. The hostilities then go back and forth.
The same effect can also be seen with family feuds. Folklore is full of tales about harm suffered by one party being passed down the generations as different family members are hurt, injured or killed and others carry out reprisals.
Valuable as these lessons are, they are short-term tactics to deal with immediate problems.
1. Also important is a long-term strategy as this will reduce the number of unhappy incidents which require these coping skills.
2. Applying a long-term strategy which is simple to use and has a broad impact on your life also means you'll have to deal with blame and criticism less often and you'll be able to cope more easily if you do.
3. Following a long-term strategy that is easy to apply in your daily life can also make a creative, positive impact. You aren't simply responding to other people's negativity but are actively building positive experiences.
A REAL solution to the pitfalls, problems and conflicts you presently face involves a strategy which shows you how to build a life that is a lot more likely to attract more love, respect and appreciation with fewer relationship hassles.
If you are ready to experience more love and harmony in your life, go for a long-term solution.